I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
