we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
