totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
