just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
