Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
