Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
