I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
