wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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