My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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