Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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