Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
