toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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