We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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