worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
