it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Life is so much better after having sex.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
