I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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