id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
