Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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