You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
