he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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