In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
