Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
