Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
