Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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