Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
