I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
