I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
