Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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