My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
