After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
