I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Your penis caused this!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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