Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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