ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
