At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
