Non-Jews are for practice
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
