I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
