Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
