party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
