How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
