It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
