if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
