your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
