seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
