y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
