just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
