I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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