sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
