Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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