went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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