hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
