I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
