Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
