You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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