I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
