it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
