just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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